Is your past holding you back from anything you really want to do in the future? Does your relationship, your body or your finance not work? In other words, does your life not work the way you like it to be? OK. Read on.
Let’s figure out why.
SORTING OUT WHO YOU ARE
It’s safe to look within. Let’s do an exercise in unraveling the past so you can go full stream living who you are on this inside. This is not psycho-analysis, but instead an investigation into where you get your beliefs about yourself from.
I SHOULD, SHOULDN’T I ?
Today / this week, we’re going to make an ‘I SHOULD’ list. Get out your journal, or if it’s not with you, a piece of paper and a pen and begin writing down your list of sentences that begin with ‘I should ……’. Get at least a handful and continue if you have more.
(image by Yasin Oztürk)
You can write things like this:
I should be a better mom
I should wake up early so I get stuff done
I should by now have saved up enough for retirement.
I should work full time.
I should bake cakes to be a good wife.
I should be thinner.
After you have completed your ‘I should’ list, or at least have a handful of “I should’s to start working with them, ask for each of the sentences, ‘Why?’.
Doing so reveals where you are stuck. Reasons that can come to mind possibly include:
‘because my parents told me so’, ‘because my brother will finally love me if I do’, ‘because I have to be perfect’, ‘because I am afraid not to do so’, because it’s “normal” to do so, ‘because I’ll be in trouble if I don’t’, ‘because I’ll be loved only if I do so’, ‘because now I’m lazy, fat, dumb, ugly, or too short.‘
The underlying premise of all ‘I should’ sentences are that we are somehow ‘wrong’. ‘I should be a better mom’ really displays the inner belief that ‘I am not a good mom’, or at least. No matter what the sentence, every I should sentence implies that either we are wrong, we were wrong or are going to be wrong.
This notion comes from a lack of self-love and understanding of what life is about. Life is about exploring on the journey to be the best we can be on our path of most light.
I COULD …
So, in this new context then, let’s now change the ‘I should’ list into an ‘I COULD’ list. This offers a totally different perspective on things. The phrase ‘I could’ is full of possibilities, it’s optimistic and fun. It’s like looking at the dessert menu and in your mind try all the delicate flavors. Ahhh. That alone is delicious, right?! And then, you even get to try one.
Besides being exuberant and full of possibility, the wonderful other aspect of replacing ‘I should’ with ‘I could’ is that you can’t be wrong.
When you say: I could be a better mom, I focus on the choice that underlies that possibility, and may consider, if I were to do things differently as a mom, what would be best for my child and most fun for me? OK. Perhaps we could do crafts together once a week, or whatever.
The real question to ask with the ‘I could’ list is: ‘Why haven’t I yet done so?’ This lovely little question will reveal how you have put yourself down, possibly for a long, long time, for things you actually do not even want to do.
We all know of students who were getting PhD degrees in law, business, or science, because their parents wanted them to, but then when they finally grow up near the end of their study, they decide to become musicians instead. Let me plug a wonderful musician with a brilliant mind in this context: http://www.AntonJazz.com . See?!
We no longer have to feel inferior to siblings, relatives or whomsoever because we are not as good a ‘whatever’ as they are. Because when we separate out the beliefs, wants and demands that others hold for us, from those that we wish for ourselves, we can sigh a sigh of relief.
What a relief you can stop criticizing yourself, and be true to who YOU REALLY ARE on the inside. We can stop living according to other people’s standards. We can stop doing things that just please others and not us. Instead, we get to choose what we want to manifest this lifetime.
Let’s go over that ‘I should’ list again and cross off everything that can be dropped because we don’t want to. And with that, let’s let go of every feeling of inferiority and/or feeling of being wrong that was associated with that issue.
At times we may have held beliefs for a long, long time. And it may not be so clear who really is the owner of the ‘I should’ subject.
If this is you right now as you are working with me now, don’t worry about it. Just carry on with this exercise. Things will clear up when you go on, to explore and hold precious who you are on the inside of you, your authentic nature.
“Healing is a journey of love.” ~ Astrid Lee, Reiki Master
I LOVE MYSELF AS I AM
The ‘law of attraction’ says that whatever you send out, you’ll attract. Let’s now begin to attract contentment, joy, inner-wisdom and ability to act upon those. For this purpose, I’d like you to finish off with a self-love exercise.
I’d like you to write down the affirmation: “I love myself as I am.” Put the affirmation in a place where you can see it daily/all the time. Now walk over to a nearby mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and begin saying it out-loud to yourself: “I love myself as I am”.
HEALING THOUGHT OF THE DAY
“I make my life work by transforming my inner critic into a mind of possibilities. I combine this with an acceptance of my authentic nature and I love whom I get to become as a result.”
If you have any questions regarding this healing exercise, please email me. If you are interested in a personal healing session on this subject, this is possible also.
If you are interested in joining our We Are One World Healing group, in which you will meditate for 1 hour on the well being of all that is, feeling true Oneness, register here. You will receive free distant healing for yourself. It is an empowering experience for us all.
This sounds vaguely familiar.!
I’m still working on this exercise and it’s not as easy at it might look. To do this you need to dig really deep inside you and deal with stuff that most of the times you don’t want to mention or recall. But most importantly you need ot open your heart…by the way that heart picture is exactly wat I had in my mind today.
Now I’ll go and continue working…
Oneness World Healing says
Oh, I’m glad it sounds familiar, as it incorporates the exercise I’ve already given to you and build upon it.
I’ve worked a lot with Louise Hay’s material over the last 20 years, applying it to myself and my clients and I know just what you mean. Intellectually, this exercise is lightweight, but applying it to your personal life requires digging deep within and tugging on things that you’ve held onto for a long time, but that might never have been yours….
Healing is a journey.