Emotionally or physically wounded people can become fearful that their community will stop supporting them when they heal and regain independence. They equate independence with isolation. Their fear of isolation blocks their healing.
The answer is a shift in perspective, embracing trust.
The first thing to note is that healing is a process of change. We need a supportive community throughout this process. As we heal, we become more independent, but independent people seek out other independent people to compare notes. There is no end to (the need for) community when healed.
Second, the people in our community change as we change. We all cherish childhood friends. However, most people we know in our supportive community, we haven’t known for decades.
As you are changing your inner frequency through healing, you will become attractive to people who are at your new higher frequency. You will be a magnet for people who are like ‘the new you’. Others in your existing networks, who are not coming along with you in your healing process, are bound to be left behind. There rightfully will be a parting of the ways. Yes, this may includes life partners, boyfriends and lovers. However, rather than fearing or dreading this process, rejoice in it.
As we grow, change and heal, some friends and partners grow with us. That’s great. Two lovers may quit smoking together for example, and then move on to a health-food kick together. However, if just one person quits, new arrangements will have to made in their relationship. Depending on the nature of the change, such ‘arrangements’ may be inadequate compromises, and the relationship may start hindering personal growth if the common ground between those two people decreases. But rest assured: there are plenty of people who will match the new you. No problem at all. While you may dread the process like going to the dentist, live in trust instead, as the outcome is bound to be more befitting.
It is safe to let go of unbefitting people in our lives. Why safe? We won’t be alone. Or rather, we won’t need to be alone. We’ll attract more befitting people around us, with whom we’ll have more in common and who will want to befriend us. Being independent means we have choices. Actually, it means we’re able to choose what we want and who we want around us. Healing does not require us to be alone, at all.
What Are Your Healing Myths?
To assess where you are in relation to this healing myth, define an area of your life needs healing. In this context, consider:
- Are you afraid that if you heal, your support group will abandon/be less sympathetic to you?
- When you picture yourself healed, are you the only one in the room?
- Do you see your wounds as a way of bonding with another person, and does healing mean having to seperate from that person?
I’m a strong believer in meditation, visualization and affirmations. I suggest using them as tools to working on your own healing process, utilizing the insights gained from your answers to the questions above. When doing affirmations, don’t be ‘specific’. What I mean is: ask ‘to marry a person who best befits me and who will make a great parent to our children’ rather than ‘to marry Jack’. The fact that you’re still with Jack might be the very thing that hinders your opportunity to marry the man of your dreams.
This article is based on the section ‘Myths about Healing’ in ‘Why People Don’t Heal’ by Carolyne Myss.
Prior articles in this series: I Can’t Heal : Healing Myth #1
Next article in this series: Healing Myth #3: feeling pain means being destroyed by pain.
About the Author
Copyright Astrid Lee, Reiki Master Teacher. To learn how Reiki heals and book a Reiki session, visit http://www.TherapeuticReiki.com
Reiki, spiritual healing, alternative therapy, healing energy, Usui Reiki,
laying on hands, Universal Life Force, distant Reiki, absent healing